Daily Dose: NYPD Clothing, Exorcisms, and Stupid Child Kidnappers

In a 5-2 vote, the enchanted Florida Supreme Court once again restored order to their ballot-blind citizens - this time deciding it’s not a crime to wear NYPD tourist garb and sheriff uniforms without intent to deceive (relieving slutty bachelorette parties across the nation). Chief Justice Cantero lamented the decision, stating: “I fear that today the Court has stripped law enforcement agencies of one important weapon in their battle against crime.” [Local 6]

A naughty Romanian Orthodox monk towel-gagged, crucified, and killed a schizophrenic nun in a three-day exorcism (the edgier, heavenly approach to convent hazing). When asked why he didn’t prefer a less messy method, the monk responded “you can’t take the devil out of people with pills” before going off on a ten-minute psycho tirade in which he condemned Brooke Shield’s possessed Suddenly Susan performance and Romanian authorities who don't no glib on happy-pills' medieval history. And we're back to the eternal question: batshit insane or just really, really passionate about religion? [Local 10]

Convicted sex offender John Couey admitted to kidnapping and burying alive 9-year old Jessica Lunsford (“she was still alive. It’s stupid, but she suffered. She never fought me...”), claiming “I don’t have a mean bone in my body.” [Newsday]