Satanism is not a crime

Where would we be without Satan? I'll tell you where, we'd be in a place with a lot less comedy. There are some words that just in their utterance, are hilarious. For instance, monkey. You're laughing now, aren't you? Well, I think we can all agree that Satan is right up near the top of these kind of words. You want a recipe for instant comedy? Write an inocuous sentence like, say, "Presented here is a copy of my Powerpoint Presentation." Not funny. Now sprinkle in these two words: "on Satanism." Now serve them together, cold: "Presented here is a copy of my Powerpoint Presentation on Satanism." Holy crap, that's hilarious. For more of such hilarity, mosey on over here for a very serious study on the misperceptions people have of Satanism's link to criminal activity. It's even sponsored by the Criminal Justice department of Boston University, so you know it's legit. If you have time, take the survey, intended "for US citizens, who are 18 years or older, and non-Satanists." OK, stop laughing, this is serious.

Also included are the 11 Satanic Rules, which I'm guessing is Satanists' answer to the Ten Commandments. Say what you will about Satanists, but after reading them, I'm almost ready to hand in my Lapsed Catholic Badge™ (oh yes, we have those) and jump wholeheartedly into Satan's warm embrace. I mean, who can resist a religion with the following as one of its tenets?

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him!! (emphasis mine I mean Satan's)

I think that's something even Sterling could get behind.