She Turned Me Into A Newt!

Apparently telling girls that you need to have sex with them to break a spell actually works. In Vista, California, a completely disgusting scumbag who somehow got a job coaching girls' soccer told THE ENTIRE TEAM that he was under a spell, and that "he would be calling on some girls to help him." He got his niece (with whose family he was living) and at least one of her teammates to "help" him-- though the article points out that the other girl (who, by the way, is 14) "admitted to liking" the pig. And that matters why, again?

Though we can't completely blame the Cursed Guy-- the idea of sex as a cure actually came to him via notes, left around by an angel named Antonio. So it turns out the poor dude was just following orders.