Attention All Would-Be Spammers

Did you know that spamming isn't illegal in Russia? Me either. But it turns out that laws are unnecessary, because disgruntled spam-ees have learned to take the law into their own hands. See, for example, the case of Spam King Vardan Kushnir (not to be confused with Gary of Gary's Oasis-- he's the Spa King), who sent advertising messages to everyone in Russia with an email address. Lots of them. Poor Vardan, who runs about a billion schools dedicated to teaching English, only wanted to help his country mesh more effectively with the world-- if there's every been altruistic spam, people, this was it. Russians, however, don't fucking want to learn English, alright?! Instead of signing up for classes, irate Ruskies cleverly did things like emailing him back, threatening to kill him, and listing the school's phone numbers all over the web as those for, shall we say, other businesses. (Like phone sex, and of course the old chestnut: cheap real estate.) Undeterred, Kushnir kept on spamming, clearly determined to either a)force his countrymen to understand what English-speaking morons are saying, or b)make lots and lots of money.

So someone broke into his apartment and beat him to death. No more spamming for you, motherfucker!