But Bro, I've Been Violated!

Even though he's only 17, Stephen Knight is really mature. He's got his own apartment (complete with Christmas lights and a totally sexy plasma tv) and his very own ladyfriend. Extrapolating from the available evidence, I'd also wager that he has a job, because I'd guess his parents didn't buy him that tv. Really, Stephen's pretty much on track to a perfect life.

Or rather he was, until some "hispanic guys" broke into his pad, tied him up with the Christmas lights, took the tv and stole his fucking weed. The tv he could understand, because it's just sitting there looking shiny and awesome-- I mean, who doesn't want a plasma tv? But the weed? Dude, how did they even know it was there? This was some sort of inside job, that's what it was. Somebody tipped those assholes off. Stephen refusing to take this bullshit lying down, did what any self-respecting, law-abiding American would do: when his girlfriend got home and untied him, he called the cops.

Unfortunately for Stephen, the cops sort of missed the point. Turns out the thieves hadn't taken all his weed. Or all his ecstasy. Man, if only San Antonio was in Columbia.