Columbian President High As A Kite

In a move sure to blow the mind of pretty much every Republican on earth, the Columbian government is going to start buying coke and smack. (Corrupt, Blottered-reading cops just looked over their shoulders and leaned a little closer to their monitors, hissing "Eeeeexcellent.")

In an effort to keep peasants from selling their coca and poppy crops to those damn drug dealers, Columbian president Alvaro Uribe announced over the weekend that farmers could turn their crops over to the authorities "without fear of arrest," get paid, and go about their business. (A nice bonus about this arrangement is that any farmer stopped by cops while on his way to do a deal with his local drug lord can now say "Hey, just the man I'm looking for!", and get a suitcase full of cash. Instead of, you know, running away and getting shot in the back.) While Uribe assured reporters that the crops would be destroyed, I think it's safe to say that the soldiers and cops receiving the drugs will interpret "destroyed" to mean "warehoused" and "refined" and "sold back to the drug lords."