For The Kids, Yo

Just days after insisting that his arrest was a case of mistaken identity, and blaming the whole thing on "racial discrimination," Mauricio Alvarez pled guilty yesterday to assaulting a referee during a youth (and when I say youth, I mean eight and nine year olds) soccer game. But, hey-- if the referee is going to record the game as a forfeit, he's got to pay for what he's doing. Not only is it a loss, but it's a loss to a team called The Hurricaines. In California, a state which hasn't been hit by a hurricane for as long as records have been kept. I mean, really. A punch or two in the face was the least Coach could do. For the kids. So what if Alvarez didn't have any proof that his keeper was under 10? Hello, all of the younger goalies totally sucked-- it's not like he wouldn't have had a legal kid if they were any that wouldn't (say it with me) hurt the team. Jeez.

By admitting he did it, Alvarez escaped both jail time and a possible $4000 fine. Instead, he was ordered to pay court costs (and a devastating $100 fine), do 30 days of community service, write a letter of apology to his victim, and to stay away from the guy (a restraining suggestion, if you will). While he refused to comment after sentencing, Alvarez did offer a heartfelt courtroom apology. Sort of. His lawyer said his client was sorry, and he would totally know. (Actually, Alvarez is like Fonzie in a lot of ways: he's always looking out for the kids, always does the right thing, and has an unfortunate physical disability that renders him unable to say the phrase "I'm sorry.")