Find A White Girl, Win $250,000

Hey everybody, guess what! Natalee Holloway's mom has increased the reward for information to help find her daughter to a quarter of a million dollars. (This reward is in addition to the $1 million one for the safe return of the girl. Is it stupid to ask where this money is coming from? Or is this use of "$250,000" simply a rhetorical device? Sort of like when people say "I took steroids by accident"?) Not only is Nat's mom apparently very rich, but she's also very skilled in criminal investigation and, let her tell you, those dark-skinned folks in Aruba totally suck at it. Though she never really has any details to offer, she has long assured everyone who will listen that all Arubans are morons. According to the brilliant Mrs Holloway Twitty, “The level of ineptness has been incredible. The whole thing has been wrong from the beginning.”

No word yet on if the national media will ever cover the disappearance of someone who isn't a white, blond woman.