RAID!

How many times must the government remind you that you’re being watched from every angle, Dunkin Donuts and undercover toothless tranny hooker looking for a nice boy to pee on her?

In what seems like the bastard-stepchild of the Ghostbusters franchise, the Police have just unveiled their latest invasive we’re-too-lazy-to-do-the-work-ourselves program -- enlisting the help of America’s most feared and ruthless killers: Southern exterminators. Trained to spot anything “unusual,” from coke-addicted tarantulas to teensy meth droppings, Truly Nolen Pest Control Technicians are also highly capable of “calling the police” if they see “two legged creatures trying to make their way into your home." Imagine, people: hicks will *actually* use their cousin-bred lobster claws to dial 9-1-1 on your behalf. If that doesn’t make America feel 100x safer, then perhaps this sexually agressive mission statement will:

"Our vehicles really get into the bowels of the neighborhood and we’re back there where all the homes are, in the cul-de-sacs. …Because they’re not a police car, a lot of criminals, bad guys aren’t going to be suspicious…. Truly Nolen wants criminals to know and be warned that if you see the company’s VW bugs, you are being watched.”

There might be nothing as terrifying as knowing you could be caught for being a "bad guy" and held in VW lovebug, where termite-crushing enthusiasts can get into your bowels and sweet little cul-de-sacs. Really, if you see the VW rockin, don’t comma knockin.