Jesus Saves!

Of course, Ashley Smith's meth dealer probably wasn't named Jesus (pronounced HAY-soos), and to assume that latinos are more likely to be drug dealers is patently offensive. I'm sure her dealer was named Cletus, Joe Bob, Travis, Bubba or Dale, but either way they probably lived in a trailer that reeked of chlorine gas.

Do you remember Ashley Smith? She was the woman who professed to win over her abductor, Brian Nichols, with Ole Time Religion. But apparently it wasn't just Jesus (pronounced GEE-bus) and Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life that convinced the (apparent stoner) to let his guard down. Helping the cause were doses from Ms. Smith's stash of fine Tennessee crystal moonshine and, we're sure, lots of long, philosophical discussions about the nature of the universe that lasted through the night.

Smith, a 27-year-old widowed mother who gained widespread praise for her level-headedness, says the seven-hour hostage ordeal in March led to the realization that she was a drug addict, and she says she has not used drugs since the night before she was taken captive.

"If I did die, I wasn't going to heaven and say, `Oh, excuse me, God. Let me wipe my nose, because I just did some drugs before I got here,'" Smith told the Augusta Chronicle.

[snip]

"It's hard for people to understand the miracle of the story," she told the newspaper. "This was totally a God thing, to me in my life. This was God getting my attention, going, `I'm going to give you one more chance.'"

[snip]

She writes that she asked Nichols if he wanted to see the danger of drugs and lifted up her tank top several inches to reveal a five-inch scar down the center of her torso — the aftermath of a car wreck caused by drug-induced psychosis. She says she let go of the steering wheel when she heard a voice saying, "Let go and let God."

Of course, this is only natural when you mix ignorant bible-belters and incredibly powerful psychoactives. Still, we're confused: God is good and drugs are bad, especially if the drugs are causing delusions that God is speaking to you, but not if God is telling you that you should give drugs to a sinner in order to save him and yourself, however indirectly. Or something.