Three Years Probation For Sports Professor
Big sports colleges fear nothing like they fear the NCAA. Compared to the NCAA the fear of students celebrating a game victory by molotov cocktail tossing, goal-toppling, or streaking covered in tacks and pepperonis, is equivalent to an adult’s fear of a cute baby deer eating a dope brownie fed to it by a dapper Mr. Rogers in a yellow sweater, riding a giant hamster.
So when the University of Houston scored a victory against former African-American Studies Prof., athletic academic counselor, Dr. Alex Brown, by successfully getting a legal conviction against Brown for stealing over $1500 from the school by pocketing it when he returned student-athlete’s text books to the University bookstore, it is quite likely the University Dean fornicated himself to a near-heart attack, tasting the sweet salty tang of a sweaty victory. Brown’s defense, to try to summon the unearthly might of the NCAA death squads had failed.
"In advance of the trial, Brown and his attorney, former UH track star Jolanda Jones, charged the university with a wide array of academic misconduct in a story on SI.com last month. Brown alleged that from 1995 to 2003 he solicited from other UH professors at least 25 improper grade changes for UH athletes at the behest of coaches and other school officials. He also said he changed grades for at least 30 athletes in the class he taught, Introduction to African-American Studies."
Dr. Brown’s punishment as outlined by the court is a forgiving sentence of three years probation and a fine of $7,510. The secret punishment, not nearly as well publicized: Dr. Brown will have to fellate all the failing athletes during the up coming year in order to persuade them to turn their work in on time. Failing to convince the students to show their work, he has to sign up for a monthly subscription of Sports Illustrated and Entertainment Weekly (both!) at his local Best Buy. Oh the pain.
'Justice was served' SI
So when the University of Houston scored a victory against former African-American Studies Prof., athletic academic counselor, Dr. Alex Brown, by successfully getting a legal conviction against Brown for stealing over $1500 from the school by pocketing it when he returned student-athlete’s text books to the University bookstore, it is quite likely the University Dean fornicated himself to a near-heart attack, tasting the sweet salty tang of a sweaty victory. Brown’s defense, to try to summon the unearthly might of the NCAA death squads had failed.
"In advance of the trial, Brown and his attorney, former UH track star Jolanda Jones, charged the university with a wide array of academic misconduct in a story on SI.com last month. Brown alleged that from 1995 to 2003 he solicited from other UH professors at least 25 improper grade changes for UH athletes at the behest of coaches and other school officials. He also said he changed grades for at least 30 athletes in the class he taught, Introduction to African-American Studies."
Dr. Brown’s punishment as outlined by the court is a forgiving sentence of three years probation and a fine of $7,510. The secret punishment, not nearly as well publicized: Dr. Brown will have to fellate all the failing athletes during the up coming year in order to persuade them to turn their work in on time. Failing to convince the students to show their work, he has to sign up for a monthly subscription of Sports Illustrated and Entertainment Weekly (both!) at his local Best Buy. Oh the pain.
'Justice was served' SI
posted by sb at 4:35 PM
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