Home Depot: The Great Satan
Chandler, Arizona - A pro-Palestinian Islamic fundamentalist Jordanian immigrant anti-Mexican-border-wall activist disgruntled former employee and Arizona State University student with a swastika tattoo on his foot attacked the local Home Depot last week with a 2001 Ford Escort, a pit bull terrier and a cat. Ali Warrayat, 24, plowed the Escort through the front entrance of the store while blaring Arab music on the stereo and then proceeded to set the car on fire. The pit bull was killed; the only other known injury was to a blogger in Virginia who suffered eyestrain while attempting to list all the man's grievances in one sentence. The cat is missing.
Warrayat originally planned to blow up the store, but for some crazy reason no one would sell him explosives. Still, he told police, it was his hope that the vehicle would explode after being set on fire, apparently confusing his Ford Escort with the Ford Pinto. He was indicted on Wednesday, which is when the public first became aware of his astonishingly huge pile of grievances.
Warrayat had a copy of the Quran in the Escort's trunk, and another tiny baby Quran hanging from his rearview mirror. Somebody wrote a song about it and it goes like this:
Following Warrayat's Home Depot attack, the Arizona State Department of Homeland Security color code was briefly changed to "WTF?"
Home Depot fire suspect had gripes [Arizona Republic]
Car Barrels Into Home Depot [CBS Video Footage]
Warrayat originally planned to blow up the store, but for some crazy reason no one would sell him explosives. Still, he told police, it was his hope that the vehicle would explode after being set on fire, apparently confusing his Ford Escort with the Ford Pinto. He was indicted on Wednesday, which is when the public first became aware of his astonishingly huge pile of grievances.
Warrayat had a copy of the Quran in the Escort's trunk, and another tiny baby Quran hanging from his rearview mirror. Somebody wrote a song about it and it goes like this:
He doesn't care if he drives forward or reverses, as long as he's got the Quranic verses riding on the dashboard of his car.After inviting reporters to his first press conference the day after the incident, Warrayat instead dicked them over by refusing to speak and staring at the ceiling. Given how crazy enraged he is already, it's difficult to imagine the Everest-class heights of pissed-offedness he's going to achieve after repeated prison ass-rapes.
He can drive to Bujumbura as long as he's got the 114 suras hanging there with his pair of fuzzy dice. Inshallah! *
Following Warrayat's Home Depot attack, the Arizona State Department of Homeland Security color code was briefly changed to "WTF?"
Home Depot fire suspect had gripes [Arizona Republic]
Car Barrels Into Home Depot [CBS Video Footage]
posted by Sterling at 12:03 PM
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