"I was a fat, bald, broke old man who sits around in a rusted wheelchair"

I love the Internet. I like the ladiez of the Internet, who sport high and tights and fadez, and maybe if my strike-outs continue I'll start hittin' up the chats, though by that point overseas wives should be cheap enough for my slim checkbook. I just hope I don't run into these jokers:

...Mike Marlowe fully admits that he sometimes gave George Gillespie a hard
time in that AOL chatroom.
But never in his wildest imagination did he
expect to be sued in court for what he characterized as
"razzing."

...Gillespie, 53, claims that Marlowe and Bob
Charpentier, a 52-year-old
Oregon resident, insulted him and harassed him in
the AOL chatroom called
"Romance — Older Men" to the point where it
inflicted "severe emotional distress
and physical injury that is of a nature
no reasonable man could be expected to
endure
it."

...Charpentier said he first encountered Gillespie more than
five years ago
and at first, the two chatters were friendly. But Charpentier
says he quickly
became disenchanted by what he saw as Gillespie's mean
streak.
Things really
turned ugly four years ago when Charpentier
traveled to Kentucky to meet another
chatroom regular, a woman who was also
a friend of Gillespie's. The blind date
did not go particularly well, and
when Charpentier returned to he discovered
that Gillespie had gone on the
attack.
"He just came in slamming on me,
saying all kinds of derogatory
crap: that I was a fat, bald, broke old man who
sits around in a rusted
wheelchair," said Charpentier, who has a chronic back
injury. "I don't even
own a wheelchair."

That, my friends, is a classic defense. "I don't even own a wheelchair". Sure to go down in the book as a classic-classic-classic retort for the ages.

I actually hope he wins the case, not because he's got any legal right, but just because in a couple decades I don't want people making fun of me, while I try to score those high and tight and fadez sportin' chicks. That's what I'll say: "I don't even own a wheelchair", if those AOL catz want a piece of this liver.

Man sues chatroom pals: I was humiliated beyond what 'no man could endure' (Court Tv)