America has no Monopoly on Crazy Crackers

Guess racist hicks in South Africa like to beat the shit out of black people just like our own! Rather than a pedestrian torture like, say, dragging the victim behind a pickup truck, farmer Mark Scott-Crossley and his employee Simon Mathebula threw Nelson Chisale to the lions. Literally [via].

Mr Chisale was sacked late in 2003. In January 2004, he returned to pick up his belongings at the farm near the Kruger National Park in the north-east of the country.

There he was beaten up by Scott-Crossley and Mathebula, his employee.

They tied him up and then took him to a nearby lion breeding centre, where they threw him into an enclosure.

The court was unable to establish whether Mr Chisale was already dead when he was thrown into the enclosure, as Scott-Crossley claimed during his defence.

The only remains recovered were a few bones and some shredded clothing.

And in a heart-warming twist, apparently a good man is just as hard to find in Phalaborwa as anywhere -- Sim Strydom and Mr. Scott-Crossley tied the knot just before he was sentenced to life in prison.

Photo by Bathini Mbatha.

Christianty & Crime...This Time Not About Meth, Sorry

The dumbest meme floating around the interwebs these days claims that Christianity has made America a less civilized country. Earlier this week, Drudge picked up a Times of London a story which itself originated with an article in Journal of Religion & Society by one Gregory S. Paul of Baltimore. Now bloggers and other denizens of the electronic media are running wild with it.

By now, you’re used to this kind of argument. Find something about America that makes it different from European countries—less soccer, more guns, etc.—and claim that this is what leads to America’s high crime rates. The most important part of this kind of argument is to absolutely ignore demography. Which is to say, ignore the totally obvious fact Europe and the United States have very different populations—that the U.S. is much more racially diverse than Europe, and this is not unrelated to U.S. crime rates.

For a very blunt and clear headed explanation of this, click through to Steve Sailer’s blog.

"Shit Hits Fan"

Judge bans himself from his own court after a complaint filed by a citizen who had to pass a “smell” test to be allowed in.

Anti-Death group opposes the death sentence of a mentally ill man who dines on his own feces.

Massachusett's State Bird Is The Chickadee

A Massachusett’s woman wedged in the New Orleans Superdome during the days of wine and violence won’t file a report but says that she and her friend were eyewitnesses to a murder.

'She said she and friend William Nichols saw two men fighting over a last sip of whiskey and one beat and stabbed the other to death.
However, neither was willing to file an official report, saying they are both terrified by memories of what they said was a lawless city.'

What she doesn’t say, and doesn’t need to say, is that the two men fighting over the final swallow of whisky were ex FEMA head Michael Brown and New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. In the midst of the storm the two decided to “cut loose” at the dome and what this completely unreliable woman and her “friend” actually witnessed was nothing more than Brown giving Mayor Nagin a noogie.

Tourists won't report New Orleans murder (Sci Daily)

Thinking Outside the Box About Crime

Bill Bennet, the dude who moralized on high while blowing $8 million gambling (and worked in the administration with the career criminals pictured), has proclaimed that if we really want to get serious about crime, we should just start killing black babies. Of course, what could we expect in this era of wasteful government spending? A capable technocrat would be happy to suggest that it would be cheaper just to forcibly sterilize all the adult women. Let's let Bill speak for himself:

But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.

Of course, the last time somebody Bill might have actually read about went on a baby killing spree, we all know what happened.

And The Winner For Best Supporting Drug In A Hostage Situation Goes To...

I feel like our crystal meth obsession (really addictive stuff, huh?) has finally caught its white whale. [Newsday via TMFTML]

Not So Great Moments In Romance # 648238

Glasgow - 23 year old Subhaan Younis made the mistake of thinking that all a young lady looks for in a man is a mobile phone filled with snuff images. At least we now know who has been downloading all those Iraq beheading videos:

The incident arose out of a series of misunderstandings. Both had been engaged in a conversation about the Iraq War and he said he would show her something which would cause her sleepless nights and her reply was 'Aye right'.

The young lass did indeed lose sleep over the video - so much so in fact that she had Younis arrested and banged up for sixty days.

Remember guys that it's much safer to show Japanese ass eel porn to that special girl. Save the decapitations for the second or third date.

Beheading video man sent to jail (BBC)

Jesus Saves!

Of course, Ashley Smith's meth dealer probably wasn't named Jesus (pronounced HAY-soos), and to assume that latinos are more likely to be drug dealers is patently offensive. I'm sure her dealer was named Cletus, Joe Bob, Travis, Bubba or Dale, but either way they probably lived in a trailer that reeked of chlorine gas.

Do you remember Ashley Smith? She was the woman who professed to win over her abductor, Brian Nichols, with Ole Time Religion. But apparently it wasn't just Jesus (pronounced GEE-bus) and Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life that convinced the (apparent stoner) to let his guard down. Helping the cause were doses from Ms. Smith's stash of fine Tennessee crystal moonshine and, we're sure, lots of long, philosophical discussions about the nature of the universe that lasted through the night.

Smith, a 27-year-old widowed mother who gained widespread praise for her level-headedness, says the seven-hour hostage ordeal in March led to the realization that she was a drug addict, and she says she has not used drugs since the night before she was taken captive.

"If I did die, I wasn't going to heaven and say, `Oh, excuse me, God. Let me wipe my nose, because I just did some drugs before I got here,'" Smith told the Augusta Chronicle.

[snip]

"It's hard for people to understand the miracle of the story," she told the newspaper. "This was totally a God thing, to me in my life. This was God getting my attention, going, `I'm going to give you one more chance.'"

[snip]

She writes that she asked Nichols if he wanted to see the danger of drugs and lifted up her tank top several inches to reveal a five-inch scar down the center of her torso — the aftermath of a car wreck caused by drug-induced psychosis. She says she let go of the steering wheel when she heard a voice saying, "Let go and let God."

Of course, this is only natural when you mix ignorant bible-belters and incredibly powerful psychoactives. Still, we're confused: God is good and drugs are bad, especially if the drugs are causing delusions that God is speaking to you, but not if God is telling you that you should give drugs to a sinner in order to save him and yourself, however indirectly. Or something.

Granny Grave Robbers Nicked

What's an animal rights activist to do? You want people to stop breeding guinea pigs for experimentation, but the protests are going nowhere and all the living people you've intimidated refuse to budge. The only sensible thing to do then is dig up the nearest corpse and see where that gets you.

Sounds a little muddle-headed no? The odd thing is that it works.

Following the theft of their dead grandmother from her place of (almost) final rest the Hall family from Staffordshire closed down their farm after sticking out six years of abuse.

Despite the guinea pigs being saved the old dear's bones failed to materialise, but she's a step closer to home after police arrested four people on suspicion of conspiracy to blackmail.

The full sorry tale (BBC)

Dine-n-Dump-n-Dash

Do Not Try This In Manhattan (OK For Outer-Boroughs):

John Muia, 30, of Jersey City, was sentenced to 90 days in jail for walking out without paying after ordering several expensive meals at high-class restaurants in Weehawken.

But he reportedly won't do any additional jail time for crime No. 2: Leaving feces wrapped in a napkin on his seat.

He's a real party pooper [NJ.com]

Blottered Goes Brown

"It was not mud," the representative said.

Murray State fraternity members get humanly wasted, wipe with room towels at a retreat.

Young defecationists set fire to New Zealand school and leave 'gang colors' with the writing on the wall.

Substitute teacher in Wichita fired after making kids clean up unclaimed poopie in the back of the room.

Drunk woman is arrested and responds by losing her shit and throwing it all over her prison cell.

Church burglar can't crack safe, takes crap instead.

"You're Full Of Shit"

As if driving an El Camino wasn't punishment enough, a drunk Illinois man stole a porta pottie from the site of a barbecue cookoff. Unfortunately during the getaway the toilet fell out of his El Camino.

Investigating officers discovered miscellaneous road barricade items and a sizable amount of unprocessed raw sewage floating in his car and Gerad Gobel was arrested and now faces a stripend of serious charges including felony theft. Hopefully this won't start a chain of copycat crimes across the country culminating in a circus goer stealing bags of elephant shit and storing them in his Roadmaster.

Blottered 24 Hour Shit Coverage To Be Continued...consider this your last warning.

Man Arrested for portable Toilet Theft (WandTV)

Ass Clown College

"Criminal tampering in Parmelee Hall - someone smeared feces on the handrail in the basement some time last night."
Campus Blotter [Colorado State]

LA Police Run Human Dump

Life is full of irregularities. Beneath the surface of everything you see lies another much darker layer and this is as true for fast food as it is for crime. In the case of LA police purportedly dropping off the addicted and homeless to burnt out ends in Skid Row, the dark layers continue to span out like a magician's deck of cards. In particularly brutal and inhuman fashion they spill their secrets, and when loftier ideals fail we have to contend with questions like this one:

Why are the forces of law systematically throwing away human beings?

'For decades, it's been an enduring urban tale about downtown Los Angeles, often talked about but never proved: Police departments wanting to get rid of society's lost and neglected — the homeless, mentally ill and criminals — simply drove through downtown and dumped them in skid row.

But on Tuesday, evidence landed in the lap of the person who most needed it: Capt. Andrew Smith, commanding officer of the Los Angeles Police Department's Central Division.

Smith said he was out on patrol with his partner about 10 a.m. Tuesday when he noticed a Los Angeles County sheriff's car driving down 6th Street.

The cruiser, he said, turned south on San Pedro, then west on 7th Street to San Julian Street. There, Smith watched in disbelief as two deputies "pulled over, took a guy in handcuffs out of the car. They took off the cuffs and handed him a bag," Smith said.

The captain and his partner immediately got out of their car and questioned the man and the deputies. Smith said the deputies told him that the man had been released from the Men's Central Jail and was standing outside on the street when a supervisor ordered them to take the man to a downtown mission.

"But there was no mission nearby," Smith said. "Only a line of guys sitting on milk crates."-'

Via Sploid, Dumping of Homeless Suspected Downtown (Yahoo)

Since When Does Someone Live To Age 19 With A Name Like Douglas Lee Gump

Picture to take the edge off after you read this.

Boxer Bites the Bullet

Leavander Johnson died last night from getting his ass-whooped by Jesus Chavez last saturday night at the MGM in Vegas. What's ironic about this is the man that knocked him out to death. His name is Jesus. Holy fuck. Johnson's promoter says that critics of the sport will either try to get it banned or "take shots" at it despite the fact that there have only been, like, a handful of deaths from boxing in the last decade.

Not for nothing, but don't these guys know that boxing is a serious if not obviously potentially deathly sport? Look at what happen to Evander Holyfield? Sorry but I'm not imterested in someone knocking me out OR taking a chunk outta me ear. While I feel bad for Johnson and his family, look at him. He weights less than Krucoff. Can't say I'm totally surprised. I wonder if they'll charge Jesus with involuntary manslaughter?



Boxer Injured in Ring Dies - Fox News
World Boxing Association - Official Site

The Blog Connection

If you watch cable news or the Today show you're probably aware of a new "disappeared" girl in Richmond, Virginia: a VCU student named Taylor Marie Behl. Behl, a 17-year-old freshman, has been missing for more than two weeks. Over this past weekend her car turned up on the far end of the neighborhood from which she disappeared - but with Ohio tags in place of the vehicle's Virginia tags. There are a number of credible rumors swirling. Some still maintain she's run away, others suspect she was abducted or is the victim of another variety of foul play. I have no sense of what really happened to her - I wouldn't even hazard a guess.

The case is rapidly degenerating into a Heart of Darkness story about the Richmond goth and skateboard underground. One "person of interest" in the case is a 38-year-old photographer who calls himself "Skulz". Skulz had what's been characterized as "a physical relationship" with the missing girl. In addition to being a rather prolific blogger, Skulz is an accomplished license plate thief/collector. The Ohio plates that showed up on Taylor's car were stolen in Richmond three months ago.

Skulz' ex-roommate is from the same town in Northern Virginia as Behl, and they met through him. His name is Mike, and I believe he is referenced as the boyfriend of a Suicide Girls model in this mini-blog Skulz set up last month, to complain about how said Suicide Girls model screwed him over. Skulz' main LiveJournal blog is here.

The day after Taylor went missing, Skulz filed a police report claiming that he'd been abducted, beaten, transported outside the city and dumped on a dirt road, from which he hitchhiked back. According to his lawyer, Skulz believes the Suicide Girls model was behind it.

Like Skulz, Behl has made prolific use of free web services - here's her LiveJournal and her MySpace page. Incredibly, the cirumstances leading up to the disappearance are partially documented across a handful of blogs, like one of those mystery books with the postcards. The whole affair seemed dark and creepy enough before the involved parties' angst-ridden blogs came to light. Now it's like the Denton/Calacanis feud, except with poor people and sex - dark territory, indeed.

I'm casually following events in the case at my Richmond blog, R804, but a blog called The Dark Side... is covering the matter in far greater detail. The Richmond Times-Dispatch is doing a good job, despite its normally lackadaisical approach to crime coverage. A columnist named Mark Holman (whom I have nicknamed "Fabio" for reasons that will be obvious) has done some really great work on it. Also check the original Websleuths forum thread, and the entire board that has been spawned to deal with the huge surge of attention.

Supermodel Cokehead Is The New Gateway Drug

If you listen close you can hear the chic flushing of Hollywood toilets and the pitter-patter of executive booties running along the plush carpeted corridors of power, muttering to their badly dressed assistants, "Moss is on the HOT list - No, Moss, Moss -- is, the HOT list. Cancel my 11 o' clock with Larry David's people and fill it with, Moss, MOSS, MOSS."

Kate Moss has arrived. Her mode of transport: The now infamous photos of her in the Daily Mirror snorting big thick snowy white Santa eyebrows of synthetic cocaine.

The Guardian disagrees, says the career of Kate Moss:

"suffered a series of blows yesterday when two companies announced they would no longer be using her to sell their products"

Unfortunately along with Moss's new B+ List status due to cocaine global positioning comes Scotland Yard's knotty lash. The UK police are investigating, and although sources say Kate is unlikely to go to jail, she may be brought in for a delicious Q & A for police "intelligence purposes" and possibly tea. Yes.

The Yard are also investigating who took the photographs of Kate for the Daily Mirror, and what, if any witnesses were there, helping take the photographs, or helping Kate sniff her way to interesting. Ask Yourself: Does Kate Moss now have 'cred' enough for a crew? Fuck yes, she does.

Chanel and Burberry drop Moss as police start inquiry (Guardian)

Hurricane Labs

Did you know...

"JUST ABOUT EVERYONE ASSOCIATED WITH GOVERNMENT THESE DAYS IS ON METHAMPHETAMINE."

I'm sure you've guessed it but now we have scientific theory to broaden the claim. See, it's all these super meth labs in Mexico that are creating toxic spill-off into the ocean killing phytoplankton and soon all the surface water will reach high temps (or completely evaporate!) and we'll all be living in a storm-filled world like Venus and then no amount of federal aid is going to keep us from the hell of Jaws. Or something like that.

Illicit Drug Labs Cause Hurricanes Katrina and Rita [alt.true-crime via #1HS]

A Tragic Crystal Method

While the occupation rages on in Iraq and children and dogs swallow bombs and approach checkpoints, a lump of what authorities presume to be the nasty chemicals of a Meth operation go up in a cartwheel of flame in Arizona, cauterizing the two people who lived in the apartment where the Meth was believed to be produced , leaving 50 - 80 percent of their bodies burned red and black.
Meth Lab Explosion (Kold News 13)
Related: Meth Labs: Enter At Your Own Risk (Blottered)

"That's Thinner To You!"

San Jose self styled gypsy auto theft gang drive away with $2.3 million dollars worth of stolen cars using false identities and imaginary financial credit score cards to drive the cars away from dealerships: 113 cars to be exact. The gypsies all attended the same 'gypsy cultural fellowship meeting' in San Francisco before descending on car dealerships like Vlaad the Impaler's gypsy henchman, except, unfortunately, no one was protecting the gaunt corpse in the gold trimmed coffin. Authorities have at present arrested 26 of the gypsy gang, and are still looking for 60 others who may or may not have returned to the three weird sisters in the castle who are shoving car keys up their raw sex parts, and feasting on raw, red pulsing hearts. But 90 of the cars have been recovered so far. Hurrah for the good guys and none for me, who briefly got stuck dreaming of a Dracula driving a stolen 2005 Taurus with all the amenities, couple of hookers in the back.

Group of self-described gypsies suspected in car theft scam (The Mercury News)

Christian Slater is a free man!

Christian Slater dodged a bullet today when a judge in NYC decided that he was clear of his groping charge. You'll remember some months back, Slater, while performing on Broadway in some show no one can remember, was lit and apparently decided to grab some woman's ass on the street. She totally flipped out and the result is that he's probably settled with her for $ome undisclosed amount. Lucky bitch. Why can't that kinda stuff happen to me? Okay so maybe the play wasn't just some unknown show. So? He still grabbed her ass while he was tanked.







Slater beats Grope Charge - AP
Slater GropeGate Comes to Anti-Climactic Close - Gawker

Tyco Raiders, Unjust Desserts?

When former Tyco chiefs Dennis Kozlowski* and Mark Swartz were sentenced yesterday to between eight and 25 years in prison for looting Tyco of more than $150 million – spontaneous donkey fucking broke out as celebrators lined the streets cutting up gas cards and talking about the end of the world. That is until the readers among them perused the sentence again. Eight and 25 years? That’s a pretty flexible sentence. Smart money would be on the eight.

Mr. Kozlowski had earlier asked the judge to "please be as lenient as possible".

Looks like your wish was granted, Dennis. In a year or two you can press for an ankle bracelet, and work out a deal from lockdown with NBC who still have Monday, Tuesday, and Friday, open for new Apprentice-branded shows. Wednesday is Martha’s day and Thursday is Trump’s day – will you listen NBC? -- will you hear your rabid audience of viewers who don’t like seeing you in last place in the ratings. The Apprentice: Dennis, on Monday nights would be a strong candidate against the encroaching advances of the sturdy yet head-scratching Nanny 911.

*Not to be confused with Mark.

Former Tyco chiefs jailed for $150m corporate theft (Guardian)

Don't Fuck With The Hmongs

Chai Soua Vang, a Hmong immigrant truck driver, was found guilty of shooting and killing six deer hunters in Wisconsin's hearty north woods after alleged racial harassment by the victims. It's hard to believe all-American sportsmen in Wisconsin with the taste of deer blood on their tongues would use such slurs but there's no doubt now that Vang is headed up a river he won't return from.

Hmong immigrant convicted of murdering 6 deer hunters [CNN]
Previously: Don't Fuck With The Wongs

The Power Of 3

Let this serve as a warning fantasy-crook: In reportedly one of the biggest bank robberies Ever, 6 men have been charged in the theft of $70 million dollars from Brazil's Central bank.

3 of them have been arrested, the other 3 are still on the lamb. They spent 3 months tunneling under a city to break into a bank vault in Fortaleza, Brazil. The 6 attempted to charter a plane only days before the robbery but their efforts were stymied.

Boy, that's a lot of 3's. Remember how if you add the letters up, of the names of certain historical figures, you can somehow spell out the name of their assassins? Math is Magic!

6 charged in theft of $70 million (Seattle Times)

Mother And Son Charity Finances Stripclub

Finally oedipal and mercenary urges coalesce within the heart and soul of a mother and son in Ohio. Red State apocalypse is near! The two are accused of selling instant lotto and bingo tickets, the proceeds of which were to have went to a non profit organization called Seniors Helping Seniors, but instead went toward custom bling bling, eating out, and a gentleman's club. Currently the duo are not answering the [not precisely] uncharitable question of how 3 quarters of a million dollars that was supposedly destined for their charity ended up in the loins of a stripper named Candy after it was used to snort cocaine off a kangaroo's pelt. The mother in the duo sez:

"They are coming back on me with these types of charges when never anything come up in all these years," she said. "We never had any questions of anything.

Famous last words, sickos.

Police charge woman, son with theft involving charity (Akron Beacon Journal)

Letterman’s Painter Now Has 20 Years

That wacky Letterman ranch painter [not Paul although he occasionally drops by to touch up the primer in the outhouse as per the agreement the late night host and his musical accompanier have reached so that the musically inadequate and eternally out-of-touch Shafer can keep conducting his mood jazz orchestra in between top 10 lists and visits from Jamie “G-Lister” Kennedy and Gwyneth ‘The Orange’ Paltrow] – Kelly Franks who just got a 10 year sentence for stealing, lying to investigators, and having, er, illegally killed wildlife [and although the charges were dropped – plotting to kidnap the Letterman baby and hirsute nannymumkins] got screwed by receiving another 10 year sentence that will run concurrently after this 10 year stint.

This new sentence is the result of a suspended sentence from the late 90’s when Frank stalked and intimidated some non-famous person.

The notoriously private Letterman will paint his own ranch from now on, while Paul stands idly in the foreground, his eyes glazed over holding a moog that is plugged into a portable generator and planning late show torture; such as: Should I play some old Bryan Adams, or just stick with an unrecognizably mangled bluesy number with my hackneyed toots and hootnillies over tha’ top o’ve it.
Man sentenced in Letterman theft gets additional time (billingsgazette)

Hands On Some Hard Luck

It takes a lot of physical and mental preparation to enter the world-famous Hands on a Hard Body competition where contestants try to win a pick-up truck by seeing who can keep a hand on it the longest. Some people pass out, some people start singing songs to the sweet baby Jesus, some people shit their pants, some just up and quietly walk away to find the nearest K-Mart. That's what Richard Vega did at the start of day three to take himself out of the competition. Then he took a 12-gauge shotgun from the store and blew his brains out. He'll never win that damn truck now. From the Austin Statesman:

The 24-year-old walked away about 6 a.m., politely excusing himself just before a scheduled 15-minute break for competitors, a witness said.

Witnesses said Vega went directly to a Kmart across the street, threw a trash can through a window and rushed into the store.

"I saw the big trash can go in. He chunked it through the glass, and he went right after it," said Dru Laborde, a program director for KYKX radio and a media participant in the contest. "It was the most surreal thing I've ever seen in my life."

###

Mike Maris, a contest judge, said that Vega was acting normally and that he thought Vega would be one of the top two or three finishers.

"He handled himself very well. He was very calm," Maris said.

Ginger Nimmons, another judge, said: "Typically . . . you don't normally start getting the serious hallucinations until a little bit later, especially somebody so young and in good shape."

24-year-old shoots himself in store after quitting truck contest [Austin Statesman, reg. req.]
Truck contest hopeful kills self in East Texas [Houstin Chronicle]

Fugitive Tallchief Walks Small

"I've learned how to not have so many close friends, so I don't get asked all the questions," she said. "It's a lonely life, being a fugitive. And I certainly don't go to, you know, book clubs and, you know, cake sales and stuff. I don't have coffee morning with the girls."

That sounds a lot like us, but we didn't steal an armored truck in front of Circus Circus with $2 million 12 years ago and flee to Europe. Like all good stories involving Indians and casinos, Heather C. Tallchief turned herself in the other day and hopes to get a light sentence with some Hollywood money on the side. Thanks for the tip, Dana

Norwegian Goods

Today's featured article on Wikipedia is an interesting one: The Krag-Petersson rifle. It's an oldie but goodie from Norway, an extremely rare antique firearm used only by the Royal Norwegian Navy, to hunt whales presumably.

Speaking of antiques, I think police departments should do the same as the sports teams that have old-timers day and wear vintage uniforms. Nothing would scare a bank-robber more than looking at the business end of a bayoneted rifle in a bull market. And for something more recent and local to New York, how about Early 70's Day for the NYPD? Let's bring back a real man's stache and the "green and whites" of Plymouth Fury's.

HEY WANG, WHAT'S WITH THE PICTURES? IT'S A DOCTOR'S OFFICE
Chest surgeon in Tokyo photographs nude female patients for personal use, racks up 4 year prison sentence

Garrison Keillor VS MNspeak: The Final Conflict

There's a guy on Minnesota public radio named Garrison Keillor who has ordered one of his stable of lawyer-horses to ride out on the prairie to rustle a pesky blogger who made a satiric T-shirt that Garr deemed infringement.

Mistah Keillor's lawyer sent MNspeak a cease and desist order via alternative postal service WASTE. This is the deal: Keillor runs an entertainment radio web empire called Prairie Home Companion. MNspeak made a T-shirt that says, Prairie Ho Companion. No big deal, right? That's legal. It's a parody? Wrong according to Garr.

So a legal fight over watering rights could be in store. If so Blottered will be there waving, sitting
in plastic bubbles that admit no viruses, with decontaminated Blottered groupies in our laps!

MNspeak wants to know if anyone knows a lawyer who has a taste for raw prairie dog.

"I am starting to talk to lawyers about my options, and am filing a report with the ACLU this week. But since this site makes minimal money, I have no plans to pay for legal assistance -- if anyone knows a young sparky first amendment lawyer who wants to investigate a potentially high-profile case (on a pro bono basis), email me at rex@mnspeak.com."

He got the bloggin' prairie blues,
all up in his eyes, down under tear ducts
fallin out like semaphore,
lain in the mud and smoked like a cheroot

A Prairie Homeboy Companion via Sploid (MNspeak)

Mike and Sharon ran a human zoo

Eleven kids were found caged in Wakeman, OH yesterday. The adoptive parents, Mike and Sharon Gravelle obviously felt that the best way to raise kids was to put them in cages (no more than 3-4 feet high) and then totally deny they abused the children. Apparently, some of the kids suffer from autism and fetal alcohol syndrome and actually recommened that they put the children in cages at night to sleep. Of course after the Sheriffs office found the kids, they went ahead and placed them in different foster homes for the time being. No charges have been filed yet.

Eleven children found caged in Ohio (AP)

Sigma Nude Dudes

Must be a slow news decade in Lawrence, KS since they seem to be covering a fraternity losing its house like it's OJ Simpson breaking into the Watergate hotel to molest little boys with Michael Jackson in the middle of a war zone hurricane. Watch this 6News clip and hold your bong hit as the drama unfolds before your eyes. No, it's not a campus tv station. Ending still shot is a beaut.
Sigmu Nu president: Appeal possible [LJWorld]

Meth Addicts To Become Native American Anthropologists

Like Crack users, Meth addicts have long been pariahs in the drug community for their unblinking determination to imbibe large amounts of crystal meth and stay up all hours pacing abandoned buildings and making that revving motor sound with their sore covered lips, solving any rubix cube they can find in record time. Quite naturally, Meth enthusiasts have long been hiding their true purpose: That of seeking out and rescuing arrowheads.

"The time-consuming and methodical motion of searching for arrowheads on farmland and in riverbeds seems to appeal to methamphetamine addicts, a sheriff says. White County Sheriff Pat Garrett said that after more than 100 search warrants, he has come to expect arrowheads, many thousands of years old, when he storms the home of suspected meth makers.
"I noticed it when I first started. It just seemed there were always Indian arrowheads, and I couldn't figure it out," Sheriff Garrett said. Tony Young of Velvet Ridge said the sheriff is on to something. "You get kind of wired on that stuff, and you need to have something to do," said Mr. Young, who is in the White County jail awaiting trial on methamphetamine charges. Mr. Young, 36, sold his arrowhead collection to a local dealer for $1,250 – enough to pay for a defense attorney. He said "head hunting" filled his need for activity when he was on meth."

Many parents look upon their child's addiction to crystal as a curse that requires Pete Doherty-like extremes [Thailandish monasteries, Kate Moss], but now that this information has come to light, proud parents of Meth addicts may now purchase bumper stickers. Proud Parent Of A Meth Addict, and so forth. So, what, if you need a little pick me up every few hours, and eventually disintegrate into a puddle of Rehab Man-like goo. Happy artifact hunting!

Arkansas meth addicts seem to be collecting arrowheads DentonRC
Related: Meth Labs: Enter At Your Own Risk Krucoff

The Martha Stewart Watch

What balances out the darkness of that early Monday morning drowning cubicle feeling, is the chance to cheerfully reminisce favorite memories of Martha Stewart's penal woe, while clutching soft cotton garments to rosy cheek and relishing the acrid fragrance of lavender soap mingled with prison sweat. That's magic, folks. Viva La Revolution! Time magazine spoke with Martha about how she felt, and such, as she leaned back in her garden veranda picking at the plucky remains of a child who accidentally wandered in her house seeking gingerbread.

She told Time magazine it was "extremely difficult," especially for "a busy person watching the clock, and knowing other people are watching the clock."

A bit confusing yet isn't all poetry? She has been free of the taunt electronic ankle cuff of justice since September 1.There's really no reason to boycott the premier of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, which debuts on September 21, unless you heard about the shady prize the network is offering the show winner: A lowly assistant job taking Martha's messages and the sharp side of her cane-sword, and eventually taking the fall for Martha. Oh, and there will be a next time, mark my words. It's a shame that NBC ignored the public outcry in favor of changing the name of Martha's new show to Make You My Toothless Bitch: Martha Stewart.

Martha Stewart: House Arrest "Extremely Difficult" The Iowa Channel

FEMALE COLLEGE STUDENT IN MICHIGAN BLOWS .22 AND T