The Guns of Crofton

In the heat of an argument over the family's ailing black poodle, police say, the teenage son of a federal agent strapped on his father's body armor, camouflage gear and service weapon early yesterday, walked into the kitchen of their Crofton home and fired at his parents, then fled in their car.

This happened about 4 hours before I got a phone call from Jessica Coen asking if I could guest-edit Gawker for a couple of days. It's just one block from the home I grew up in and where I am currently situated for the holidays. I once had a Washington Post paper route that included this house. I didn't hear about this story until I saw the article this morning. Damn, Crofton is EDGY!

Of note: the family had only moved here a month ago, the father is a DEA agent, and the son ran for cover where they previously lived - Jersey, of course.

Crofton Teen Shot at Parents, Police Say [Washington Post]

Home Depot: The Great Satan

Chandler, Arizona - A pro-Palestinian Islamic fundamentalist Jordanian immigrant anti-Mexican-border-wall activist disgruntled former employee and Arizona State University student with a swastika tattoo on his foot attacked the local Home Depot last week with a 2001 Ford Escort, a pit bull terrier and a cat. Ali Warrayat, 24, plowed the Escort through the front entrance of the store while blaring Arab music on the stereo and then proceeded to set the car on fire. The pit bull was killed; the only other known injury was to a blogger in Virginia who suffered eyestrain while attempting to list all the man's grievances in one sentence. The cat is missing.

Warrayat originally planned to blow up the store, but for some crazy reason no one would sell him explosives. Still, he told police, it was his hope that the vehicle would explode after being set on fire, apparently confusing his Ford Escort with the Ford Pinto. He was indicted on Wednesday, which is when the public first became aware of his astonishingly huge pile of grievances.

Warrayat had a copy of the Quran in the Escort's trunk, and another tiny baby Quran hanging from his rearview mirror. Somebody wrote a song about it and it goes like this:

He doesn't care if he drives forward or reverses, as long as he's got the Quranic verses riding on the dashboard of his car.
He can drive to Bujumbura as long as he's got the 114 suras hanging there with his pair of fuzzy dice. Inshallah! *

After inviting reporters to his first press conference the day after the incident, Warrayat instead dicked them over by refusing to speak and staring at the ceiling. Given how crazy enraged he is already, it's difficult to imagine the Everest-class heights of pissed-offedness he's going to achieve after repeated prison ass-rapes.

Following Warrayat's Home Depot attack, the Arizona State Department of Homeland Security color code was briefly changed to "WTF?"

Home Depot fire suspect had gripes [Arizona Republic]
Car Barrels Into Home Depot [CBS Video Footage]

Blottered Now In Yellow

O sweet Holiday time. Ham, joy, turkey, beer, sex, urine.

"We've got a Grinch that has been lobbing urine," Clive Police Chief Robert Cox
said. "Since this fall, we've had eight to 10 incidents reported where people
have found containers full of urine thrown into their backyards."

The syntactical beauty of the comment: "We've got a Grinch that has been lobbing urine", (although technically he only stole Christmas), cannot be overstated. Move over cellar door.

Police say trucker chucked urine, haul him off to can (DMR)

Best Of 2005: Fake Power Ranger Edition

With 2006 dawning in just a few days, the natives are getting restless. Not the natives in King Kong (could someone explain to me exactly who dispatched them -- all of a sudden there just weren't any natives) but us denizens who read and contribute to Blottered --- we're the ones getting restless. In a year when the Internet became increasingly irritating and the word Snark so mainstream it was being bandied about by the fucking Gilmore Girls, it's more important than ever to have content. In a year when the President of the United States tried to become the President of the Universe and Katrina revealed that the Army Core of Engineers had used cheap-ass materials on the Levies, among all the furor, Blottered had that great story about that fake Power Ranger. That was the best shit I read all year. Word.

(Instead of a lame-ass year-end list, pour a drink out for that faux-Ranger.)

A New Year's Primer

Nothing says "New Year's Eve" better then this: the DEA's spectacular photo library of drugs. Take a cruise around the site (from someone else's ip if you can) and check out the littany of blessed party supplies shot in exceptionally high resolutions. From the exotic black tar to Blottered's hometown favorite (pictured above), this is the site to salivate over and make those resolutions more resolute.

It was only a matter of time before the War on Drugs would finally produce something tangible and close to heart.

Turn to the right!

Jesus fuck, year-end lists are boring, particularly the ones involving music or movies. The only list worth reading is the Smoking Gun's mug shot wrap-up from the unfamous. This guy is obviously the winner, in more ways than one.

Happy Holidays From Blottered!

Blottered would like to wish you all a few merry couple days of vacation. In honor of the season, and so on, let us raise our badges and pistols to the sky and unleash a torrent of ribbons and things like that. Let us all be jolly and yet remember that, although the season is surely merry for most of us, one troubled Hollywood celebrity is not "feeling Santa" this year:

An Los Angeles Police Department undercover operation to break down the
drug trade in the city's skid row yielded 14 arrested on Thursday (Dec. 22)
including troubled actor Brad Renfro.
According to the Los Angeles Times the
officers dressed as scruffy pushers, working balloons of fake heroin along
Spring and 6th streets in downtown LA. Using the code "Cancel Christmas" to
alert follow officers, they were reportedly busting people every 5 to 10
minutes.
The 23-year-old actor got his big break in 1994 as the young star
of "The Client." He's also had lead roles in films including "Apt Pupil,"
"Bully" and "Telling Lies in America." He was most recently seen in a supporting
part in "The Jacket."

Being a searing Hollywood wunderkind doesn't just mean pockets filled with lint, it means your Christmas gets "cancelled", so, please, along with myself, and six or so people who remember the ebullient boyhood Nazi-fantasy and Stephen King story "Apt Pupil" take a few seconds to toast Brad with a cup of Egg Nog, and perhaps, if you go that way, a drippy syringe filled with skid row nougat.

May your holiday be littered with iPods given to you by family members, and your alcohol levels remain at pre-deadly levels.

'Client' Star Renfro Busted in Heroin Sting (Zap2it)

Death On The Installment Plan

A "Blogger" pled guilty to manslaughter after he confessed in his blog:

"It was me who caused it. I turned the wheel. I turned the wheel that sent us off the road, into the concrete drain ..." Ranking wrote in the blog. "How can I be fine when everyone else is so messed up?"
(...)Blake was sitting in the back seat as he and then-17-year-old friends Jason Coker and Nicole Robinette left a party when he pulled the steering wheel as a prank, causing the car to somersault off the road.

There are other cases where Bloggers committed crimes then wrote about them. Most infamously the case of Rachelle Waterman, who kept a Live Journal, and conspired to kill her mother.

Another Blogger wrote a last blog entry that led police to the man who murdered him.

A doomed Queens man's chilling computer entry led cops to a suspect who allegedly robbed and killed the victim and his sister to finance a return to China, police said yesterday.

Jin Lin, 23, was charged with first-degree murder yesterday in the bloody slayings of Sharon and Simon Ng in their Kew Gardens Hills apartment Thursday, officials said.

Cops zeroed in on Lin, who once dated the woman, because Ng typed a journal entry into his computer fingering his sister's ex-boyfriend as the suspect, police said.

Of course, there are also blogs that seek to unravel crimes, such as, the murder of the blogger's sister.

Vinny The Chin Hangs Up His Bathrobe

So news from Gangland yesterday as Vincent Gigante, the former head of the Genovese crime family died. While the cause of death isn't yet known, some say he may have been rubbed out (well not really), but the likeliness of the "Oddfather" being whacked are slim is he's had heart problems. The Chin will probably be remembered as the mobster who avoided prison for so long because he claimed he was mentally ill. Walking around the streets of New York City in a bathrobe would do that to you.


Vincent "The Chin" Gigante Dies in Prison - AP

Booze Cruise No Fun for Vikings

Minnesota Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper and 3 of his teammates were charged today with lewd conduct stemming from an incident on a raunchy boat party earlier this year. Apparently things got a little too hot on the boat with some having public sex and there are reports that some of the women (strippers? hookers maybe?) may have been paid to go to Minnesota for the debauchery that was arranged by Viking defensive end Lance Johnstone. The NFL has policies in place that if convicted, these guys could be suspended or worse. Not that any of this should come as a surprise to anyone. I mean, footballers having public sex with women on a booze cruise? Grabbing a strippers ass while she's giving you a lap dance? Doesn't really come as a surprise to me. Hell if Ray Lewis can get off on murder charges, then surely these guys will get off on lewd conduct charges. Life is grand when you're a famous athlete, isn't it? Just ask Kobe Bryant.

Four Vikings charged with indecent, lewd conduct for boat party - CBS Sportsline

What Supreme World Cycler is Wanted in Italy?

Yellow-Bracelet, Biker-God, faces trial in Italy for defaming another cyclist:

(Lance)Armstrong is being investigated for pursuing Simeoni during an early
stage breakaway in last year's Tour de France and reportedly threatening him
for testifying about doping abuse in the trial of an Italian doctor
associated with Armstrong.

I smell a Christmas duet between Lance and his beau, Sheryl Crow, to bring in some positive pro-Lance Armstrong style publicity buzz. I just want Armstrong and Crow's corporate marketing team to consider myself as a source of Lance-Positive style lyrics. Hell, they could do worse? I mean, not that I'm talking about the Sheryl Crow/Kid Rock "mashup" Picture. Because bringing that up, is like pointing out the elephant in the room, y'know, the one who used to exploit a sick midget and brings the "trailer" with him wherever he goes.

Oh, and someone forgot to tell Simeoni: What happens on the Tour de France stays on Tour de France.*

Lance Armstrong Ordered to Stand Trial (Breitbart)

*Yeah, no real sordid events, mostly just gross, gangly, pieces of piano wire covered in a thin insulation commonly known as "skin" and cleverly known as Tour De France competitors, talking about their bikes.

Urbina Stays Put, Bail Denied

Today a Venezuelan judge denied bail for Urgueth Urbina, who is charged with attempted murder. Apparently, the person in charge over in Venezuela thinks he was part of the gang that attacked 5 ranch hands at his momma's house by attacking them with machetes and pouring gas on them because he thought they (or one of them) stole a gun from his momma. Urbina thinks it's all bullshit and claims that it's all about simple people trying to take money from him. WHAT?!? It's one thing to be charged with attempted murder and it's another when a machete is involved.

Previously: MLB Pitcher Charged with Murder - Blottered

Urbina Denied Bail by Venezuelan Trial Judge - ESPN.com

Race Riots, Down Under

For our next post let us take a trip to the cool-blue-blessed waters of Australia, the teeniest, tiniest of the continents, to examine the recent race riots held in Sydney in an apparent parody (and reversal of fortune) of the semi-recent race riots held in France:

Background:

That fear and mistrust exploded Sunday afternoon, when as many as 5,000 white
Australians took to the streets of the mostly white Sydney beach suburb of
Cronulla and attacked people of Middle Eastern appearance. Many wore T-shirts
bearing slogans such as "Ethnic cleansing unit" and "We grew here, you flew
here." The attackers were drawn by e-mails and text messages that employed
racial slurs and read, "Come to Cronulla this weekend to take revenge."

Aftermath:

An additional 450 heavily armed police officers patrolled Sydney's
relatively quiet streets last night as the violence that had consumed parts of
the city for the previous two nights appeared to subside.
Politicians and ordinary citizens are now questioning how one of the ugliest manifestations of racism in Australia's history came about in a country that has a reputation for espousing multiculturalism and diversity.
"If you scratch Australians deep
down, you discover a racist and you see this deep-down fear and ethnic mistrust
and hatred of anyone that is different," said Labour member of Parliament Harry
Quick. "It's very sad."

Harry Quick went on to detail the government's answer to the 'sitch' which he, and other Parliament Labour makers feel will allow the people to get back to the much more stimulating activities of hunting 'Roo and listening to CDS consisting of "cosmic yet medieval-festival sounding" didgeridoo music.

"People, The key here is getting another comedy-action pic out there, someone needs to bring Australia's Rambo out of retirement, Paul Hogan."
Quick went on to discuss a possible Dundee IV in patriotic tones: "we need him to get out there and throw together a sloppy, hamfisted potboiler about how we care for aboriginal babies as though they were our own, embrace the Middle-Easterns, and...whatever."
"Just get that Hogan fella' in the Cineplex and we're gonna' be right back on track. It's all publicity, folks. We get Hogan punching his custom compass-handled knife through Croc viscera, and we not only put this sorry episode behind us, we get to revel in the positive-feedback-tourism. I even have a title. It's called ... get this.. The Island."

Australia grapples with aftermath of riots (Globe&Mail)

The Oldest Pain-Killer Of All

Everybody's always askin',

"where do you folks at Blottered get your ideas?"

Why we get them from you, you old fuddy-duddies.

Blottered thanks its tipsters with dirty pictures(Perhaps you've already got one and no longer wish to be a tipster?) --- Ken Ty, your autographed image of a beefcake Santa Clause eating a bowl of patroleum jelly is on the way, for this tip! Dottie Neeley, 87 years old has been nabbed reselling her prescription pain killers for cold, hard cash. She's one of a bevy of old-timers turned drug dealer to finance electric bills this winter:

"When a person is on Social Security, drawing $500 a month, and they can sell their pain pills for $10 apiece, they'll take half of them for themselves and sell the other half to pay their electric bills or buy groceries," Floyd County jailer Roger Webb said.

Since April 2004, Operation UNITE, a Kentucky anti-drug task force crated largely in response to rampant abuse of the powerful and sometimes lethal painkiller OxyContin, has charged more than 40 people 60 or older with selling primarily prescription drugs in the mountains.

"It used to be a rare occasion to have an elderly inmate," Webb said. "Five years ago it was a rarity."

Local jails are having to bear the increased cost of caring for old and often sickly inmates.

"You've got to give them more attention," Webb said. "It's putting a strain on my deputies. We're understaffed anyway. You've got to get them doctors, and meet their medical needs."

The answer is right in front of you Mr. Webb. If your institution is having trouble bearing the higher cost of medical care for the elderly, merely purchase your prescription drugs from inmate Dottie Neeley.

Elderly Turn To Drug Dealing (CBS)

Courtesy Ken Ty, who says: And if they get busted - they get free health care and rent in prison.

Body-Paint Enthusiasts And Bank Robbery Link?

When parents send their Johnny Go Lightlys off to school, they don't expect their featherbrained young to rob banks. They hope their young will become class presidents not class presidents/bank robbers on the side. Well, most don't.

As Lehigh University students are preparing for final exams this week, they find themselves consumed by the news that the sophomore class president was arrested for allegedly robbing a nearby bank.

Greg Hogan, a 19-year-old student from northeast Ohio, handed a note to a teller at a Wachovia Bank branch around 3 p.m. Friday, saying he had a gun and wanted money, authorities said.

Hogan, the son of a Baptist minister, was picked up at his fraternity house around 8:30 p.m. the same day and charged with robbery, theft by unlawful taking and receiving stolen property. Police said he got away with $2,871.

One of his fraternity brothers, Patrick Thornton, of Cleveland, described Hogan as "very energetic," the sort of student who would cheer on the college football team wearing body paint.

Haven't you ever wondered who these people are, and where they come from? What sorts of DNA strands are wound around like the noodle tossing scene in Lady And The Tramp, to cause people to cheer their teams on by wearing body-paint?

As tragic as this bit of news is to both the Baptist parents and the Sophmore student body who had hoped to at the very least elect a student President who didn't rob banks after student president meetings, this casts a vital light on the psychological make-up of body-painters world-wide. Finally, parents and peers will be able to say, "Frederico is body-painting and I think it bears an intervention now before it becomes something we all have to deal with later, with phone and thick bullet-proof glass type visits..." finally they'll be able to nip the problem in the bud.

And you said God didn't exist.

College class president charged in bank robbery (Akron Beacon Journal)

Lethal facts

Figures it was a New Yorker* who first gave us the idea of using lethal injection as a form of capital punishment way back in the late 1800’s.

Lethal injection was first considered as a means of execution in 1888 when New York's J. Mount Bleyer MD put it forward in an article in the Medico-Legal Journal suggesting that it would be more humane, cheaper and rob the prisoner of the hero status that often attached to hangings. He suggested the intravenous injection of six grains of Morphine. The idea did not catch on and New York introduced the electric chair instead.

However, nowadays, lethal injection had definitely established it itself as the standard and method of choice for execution. Here are some facts:

• During an execution, prison officials will maintain an open telephone line to the Justice Department in Washington. The President has sole authority to grant last-minute clemency.
• Of the 38 U.S. states that have a death penalty, 34 use lethal injection as the primary form of execution.
  
• In 1977, Oklahoma became the first state to adopt lethal-injection legislation.
  
• In 1982, the United States became the first country to use lethal injection as a means of carrying out capital punishment.
  
• The American military has also moved to lethal injection (from hanging) and now has a facility in the basement of the military prison at Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas which is currently housing six or seven inmates.
• In Arkansas in 1994, prison officials, citing the disruptive impact of executions on staff and other prisoners and the high cost of "rehearsal time" and overtime pay, took steps to reduce both problems by conducting multiple executions.
  
• On the 11th of June 2001 Timothy McVeigh became the first person to be executed under Federal law since 1963.
  
• In most cases the prisoner is unconscious about a minute after the Sodium thiopental has been injected and is dead in around eight minutes, with no obvious signs of physical suffering.
• Trained technicians insert a 14 gauge catheter (the largest commercially available needle) into a vein in each arm.
• When the condemned person has made any final statement, the prison warden gives the signal for the execution to begin and the technician(s), hidden from view behind a two way mirror, begins to manually inject the three chemicals comprising typically 15 - 50 cc of Sodium thiopental, 15 - 50 cc of Pavulon and 15 - 50 cc of Potassium chloride.
• As of 2001, approximately 120 countries allow for some form of capital punishment. However, it should be noted that about 20 of these countries have not performed an execution in the last 10 years or more, according to Amnesty International

Although many percieve it as the most humane way to go, some would disagree. Below is a list of botched lethal injections:

• March 14th, 1984 James Autrey. Texas.
  Autrey took at least 10 minutes to die after the chemicals began to be injected. Throughout much of those ten minutes he was fully conscious and complained of pain. This was caused by the catheters clogging so delaying the transmission of the chemicals. It is also probable that the needle either did not enter the vein or passed through it. When the lethal chemicals enter the muscles instead they cause considerable pain.
• March 13th, 1985. Stephen Peter Morin. Texas.
  Technicians had to probe both arms and legs with needles for 45 minutes before they found the vein.
• August 20th, 1986 Randy Woolls. Texas.
  A drug addict, Woolls had to help the execution technicians find a good vein for the execution.
• June 24th, 1987 Elliot Johnson. Texas.
  It took 35 minutes to insert the catheter into his vein.
• December 13th, 1988 Raymond Landry. Texas.
  Pronounced dead 40 minutes after being strapped to the execution gurney and 24 minutes after the drugs first started flowing into his arms. Two minutes into the execution, the catheter came out of Landry's vein, spraying the chemicals across the room towards witnesses. The execution team had to reinsert the catheter into the vein. The curtain was closed for 14 minutes so witnesses could not observe the intermission.
• May 24th, 1989. Stephen McCoy. Texas.
  McCoy had such a violent physical reaction to the drugs (heaving chest, gasping, choking, etc.) that one of the witnesses (male) fainted, crashing into and knocking over another witness. The Texas Attorney General admitted the inmate "seemed to have somewhat stronger reaction", adding "The drugs might have been administered in a heavier dose or more rapidly."
• September 12th, 1990. Charles Walker. Illinois.
  According to Dr. Edward A. Brunner over 5 minutes after the activation of Illinois's lethal injection machine, and more than two minutes after the plungers had injected the chemicals, Walkers' heart had not stopped, the Illinois Department of Corrections officials ordered the viewing blinds closed. The witnesses were not aware that Walker had not died, and were not told that there was a problem.
  Without removing Walker form the equipment, officials inspected the equipment and discovered a kink in the intravenous line. They straightened out the line, and a short time later Walker's heart stopped.
• January 24th, 1992. Rickey Ray Rector. Arkansas.
  It took medical staff more than 50 minutes to find a suitable vein in Rector's arm. Witnesses were not permitted to view this scene, but reported hearing Rector's loud moans throughout the process. During the ordeal Rector tried to help the medical personnel find a vein. Attendants were about to prepare a "cut-down," when a vein in his right hand was finally discovered - an hour after the procedure began. The administrator of the Arkansas Department of Corrections medical programs said (paraphrased by a newspaper reporter) "the moans did come as a team of two medical people that had grown to five worked on both sides of his body to find a vein."
• March 10th, 1992. Robyn Lee Parks. Oklahoma.
  Parks had a violent reaction to the drugs. Two minutes after the drugs were administered, the muscles in his jaws, neck, and abdomen began to react spasmodically for approximately 45 seconds. Parks continued to gasp and violently gag. Death came eleven minutes after the drugs were administered. Wayne Greene a reporter on the Tulsa World newspaper described Park's execution as looking "scary and ugly."
• April 23rd, 1992. Billy Wayne White. Texas.
  It took 47 minutes for the prison staff to find a suitable vein, and White eventually had to help them.
• May 7th, 1992. Justin Lee May. Texas.
  May had an unusually violent reaction to the lethal drugs. According to Robert Wernsman, a reporter for the Huntsville newspaper, The Item, May gasped, coughed and reared against his heavy leather restraints, coughing once again before his body froze. Associated Press reporter Michael Graczyk wrote "He went into a coughing spasm, groaned and gasped, lifted his head from the death chamber gurney and would have arched his back if he had not been belted down. After he stopped breathing, his eyes and mouth remained open".
• May 10th, 1994. John Wayne Gacy. Illinois.
  John Wayne Gacy who had tortured and murdered 33 young men and boys during the 1970s was executed by lethal injection at the Stateville penitentiary in Joliet, Illinois.
  After the injection began, one of the three lethal drugs clogged the tube leading into Gacy's arm, and therefore stopped flowing. Blinds covering the window through which witnesses observed the execution were then drawn. The clogged tube was replaced with a new one, the blinds were opened, and the execution process resumed. Gacy actually took 18 minutes to die. Anaesthesiologists blamed the problem on the inexperience of prison officials who were conducting the execution, saying that proper procedures taught in IV 101 would have prevented the error.
• May 3rd, 1995. Emmitt Foster. Missouri.
  Foster was not pronounced dead until 30 minutes after the flow of chemicals began into his arms. After seven minutes the blinds were closed to prohibit the witnesses from viewing the scene; they were not reopened until three minutes after death pronounced. According to the coroner who pronounced death, the problem was caused by the tightness of the leather straps that bound Foster to the execution gurney; it was so tight that the flow of chemicals into the veins was restricted. It was several minutes after a prison worker finally loosened the strap that death was pronounced. The coroner entered the death chamber twenty minutes after the execution began, noticed the problem, and told the officials to loosen the strap so then execution could proceed.
• May 3rd, 2000. Christina Marie Riggs, Arkansas.
  Christina Marie Riggs was the first woman to be executed in the state of Arkansas. The execution began 18 minutes late because of the difficulty in finding a suitable vein to insert the catheters into. She agreed to have the catheters placed in veins in her wrists. It is not unusual for the prisoner to have help staff in this way.
  

UPDATE:

• December 13th, 2005. Stanley “Tookie” Williams, California.
  “Tookie” Williams was executed for the murder of 4 people. Reporters in the witness chamber mentioned that it took prison officials almost 13 minutes to find a suitable vein in his left arm. Frustrated, “Tookie” even asked officials if they needed help to find his veins. With his chest heaving it took about 15 minutes for him to be pronounced dead once the chemicals were injected.

Lethal Injection (Capital Punishment UK)

How Lethal Injection Works (How Stuff Works)

*Ironically, it is also NY that rececntly ruled the death penalty unconstitutional. It was the jury's behaviors that influenced the court: The Bowers & Steiner study concluded that the "sooner jurors think a defendant will be released from prison, the more likely they are to vote for death and the more likely they are to see the defendant as dangerous."

Pssst: they used to call it "manic-depressive"

Richmond, VA - Following two high-profile local murders by people previously diagnosed as "bipolar" - as well as several other national news events featuring bipolar hijinks - the Richmond Times-Dispatch asks, WTF?

"You probably know people with bipolar disorder and don't even know it," says one source quoted in the story, neglecting to mention that you could very well know people with bipolar disorder and be aware of their condition. Back in the 80s we used to call it "manic-depressive." I had a friend in college who was a bundle of energy much of the time, interspersed with periods when (as an example) I might find him in the men's bathroom at 6am, naked and in the fetal position on the floor, rocking back and forth chanting "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands."

A UVA professor named Anita Clayton is quoted as saying that people with bipolar disorder "are no more dangerous than anybody else. Almost no one with psychiatric illness is dangerous." That's a pretty important "almost," because "almost" no one without psychiatric illness commits serial murders, for instance, or rapes children. Sociopaths, after all, are estimated to make up about 4% of the population, which is plenty. Also, the human species as a whole sits at the top of the food chain - a station you don't get to occupy without being a pretty bloodthirsty bunch of badasses. It would be truer to say that only those diagnosed with a very narrow range of psychiatric disorders are more dangerous than any average person.

Regarding the terminology of "bipolar" - what other quantity of polarity do things ever have? We don't refer to "four-cornered squares", "wet water" or "red stop signs", and I've never heard anyone say that Santa Claus lives at the "North Bipole," so why include a redundancy in a term of clinical diagnosis? Let's just call a one-pointed-spade a one-pointed-spade.

Bipolar disorder in the news [Richmond Times Dispatch]

Breaking: No Nookie for Tookie

Schwarzenegger denies clemency to convicted killer - Reuters

(need we say more?)

Previously: The Blottered Deadpool: Stanley Tookie Williams

The Dark Side Of Being A Former Soprano Cast Member

Another Soprano cast member has went to the dark side. Lillo Brancato Jr., who played Matt Bevilacqua in the Soprano's second season was wounded during a burglary in which a young New York City police officer was killed. Brancato Jr. and Stephen Armento were both wounded by the officer, then arrested by police.

The officer was killed in a gunfight near his Bronx home when he confronted two burglars at an unnoccupied house next door. According to New York City Police Commissoner Raymond W. Kelly, Officer Enchautegui heard the sound of breaking glass coming from the house. He called his landlord, then 9-1-1, then went outside to investigate and wait for backup. The landlord heard the officer shout "Police! Don't move!" followed by the sound of multiple gunshots. Patrolling officers arrested Brancato and a second suspect, Stephen Armento, in the vicinity. Both had multiple gunshot wounds and were said to be in serious condition. Officer Enchautegui was killed.

(...)Brancato, who police said was unarmed, has appeared in more than a dozen feature films. He got his break playing a confused teen in the Robert De Niro-directed film "A Bronx Tale" in 1993. He also had roles in "Renaissance Man" and "Crimson Tide."

In June of this year Brancato was arrested for possessing four bags of heroin hidden in a cigarette box.

According to IMDB, Brancato has a movie in post-production called Saturday Morning.

According to the website for Saturday Morning:

A Film by Rob Greenberg
Starring Joey Piscopo with Louis Mandylor, Victor Raider-Wexler, Lillo Brancato Jr., Beth Ostrosky, and George Wendt

Coming Soon (as well as a 'real' Website!)

Rob Greenberg is consulting producer to the show How I Met Your Mother, and a former co-producer of Frasier.

Thus, Lillo Brancato Jr. joins Big Pussy's dark side (tm). However, with a cast including luminaries such as Joey Piscopo and George Wendt, Saturday Morning will no doubt welcome the added boost of publicity and exposure due to Brancato's arrest.

On "the 'real' Website!" in the months to come, a streaming webcam will show George Wendt artfully staging faux-burglaries of ex-Cheers alumni, Rhea Perlman's 'travel trailer' with the aid of John Ratzenberger who played Cliff Clavin. An angry Perlman will resume her long-standing "teasing" banter with Ratzenberger as George sips mugs of Ted Danson's surely brew.
All for the sake of living the "art", of course.

Ex-'Sopranos' Actor Shot By Police (KCCI)

Lillo Brancato Jr. (Wikipedia)

Hot for Chelsea : 1785 days late and a few marbles short

On Sunday, an Arkansas man was arrested after jumping the fence onto White House grounds.

A court-ordered report from the District of Columbia Department of Mental Health said Shawn Cox, 29, of Mammoth Spring believed that Chelsea Clinton still lived at the White House, and that he was destined to marry her.

Says Robert Benedetti, licensed clinical psychologist, of Cox: he's "grossly psychotic and manic."

C'mon, Benedetti, that's kind of harsh, don't you think? Just 'cause Cox has the mega-hots for Chelsea shouldn't automatically mean he's batshit nuts. Maybe "in possession of questionable taste"...but certainly not psychotic. Afterall, she's cleaned up kinda good since them White House days, no?


Man Arrested at White House Reportedly Interested in Chelsea Clinton (ABC 7 News)
White House Fence Jumper Was Looking for Chelsea Clinton (FOXNews.com)
(Special thanks to my awesome, secret source!)

Soulplane Sequel In The Works? Or A Couple Of Playmates Having A Good Time?

Tabloid plain or grid, Sploid, covers the recent Playboy playmate act of terrorism:

Playboy pinups Danielle Gamba and Carrie Minter went wild in the sky on a flight from Denver to San Antonio -- so wild that the drunkard gals had to be hauled off to jail by the police.

23-year-old Gamba and 22-year-old Minter hit the booze as soon as their Frontier Airlines flight left the Mile High City on Sunday. During the two-hour flight, the naked models first started fighting with each other. Then they turned on the other passengers.

"One of the women started saying she was a celebrity and that's why the passenger who complained 'shouldn't mess with her,' and that sort of thing," San Antonio airport spokesman David Hebert told CBS4 News in Denver.

Ah, the early twenties. Years when it seemed perfectly stable to not only pose nude for a fading, geriatric "nudie book", but also become inebriated on a plane and violently battle the other passengers for supreme celebrity status, a plane diligently watched over by sky marshalls carrying guns and dreaming of shooting a bi-polar passenger fleeing down a Miami runway with a "crazy man bag".

Airline authorities recently stood down the unfair flight provision in which paying passengers were not allowed to carry sharp scissors with them aboard the plane in case they needed to catch up with their in-flight-magazine-kidnapping-note needs. In a frequent flying future clearly relying on stringent measures, will there be a provision requiring playmates be given a bull mastiff tranquilizer and kept in cages in the plane's storage area? Or will airplanes be allowed both scissors, and pole-dipping milk-breasted Sheenas from Nebraska?

It's up to you, America, you close the deal.

Drunken Playmates' Air Rage Outrage (Sploid)

Reefer Sadness

BAYSIDE, NY - Newsday and the Smoking Gun have each posted articles regarding the "Cartoon" marijuana distribution ring that, until raided by DEA agents last week, operated in parts of New York City and Long Island.

"Cartoon" was allegedly run by 33-year-old John Nebel, who according to Newsday now faces 10 years to life in prison. (Oddly enough, Nebel's attorney is named "Steven Zissou".) Nebel has been jailed "as a danger to the community" pending a bail hearing. Apparently he was eating his way through Bayside's vital stash of Doritos, and had to be stopped by any means necessary.

In addition to criminal charges, police are pursuing asset seizures of real estate owned by Nebel.

Police have also arrested Nebel's girlfriend, 29-year-old Vanessa Lindsay of Brooklyn. When searched by police, Lindsay's apartment was found to contain 30 pounds of marijuana, two illegal handguns and a large number of delivery vials labeled "Happy Holidays From Your Friends at Cartoon!"

This is obviously insane. The Drug Enforcement Agency is using laws intended to deal with violent heroin and cocaine traffickers to put the squeeze on a bunch of potheads who were running a bicycle delivery service for weed. The ring operated for six years and I see no reference to any use of violence against competitors or customers.

A very sizable number of Manhattan residents in particular have marijuana delivered to their apartments (at least that's what I've heard), and it makes no sense to treat these people like hardened criminals. Seize the assets and send them home to Long Island.

I would also like to add that Andrew Krucoff is in no way involved in the operation of the Cartoon Network and his recent departure to Israel, a country from which he could not be legally extradited, is purely coincidental.

'Cartoon' Drug Ring Leader Busted - Newsday
"Cartoon Network" Canceled - The Smoking Gun

More Lenny Than Lemmy

I know the logo of Gawker Media's new The Consumerist blog looks more like that of the crappiest hate-metal band from Scandanavia (perhaps named Beelzebubba's Gun and who would of course still sound pretty good), but when I made this comment on Gawker about it I think I was just reminded of the deader than Dellinger Jerry Orbach.

Don't do that

MIAMI, FL - If you're bipolar and about to take a plane flight, please don't forget to take your meds. Once on an airplane, don't run screaming down the center aisle, and don't make a claim that you have a bomb in your bag. If you're subsequently ordered to put your hands in the air by armed Air Marshals, don't then reach into the bag you just told them had a bomb in it. And for God's sake, if you're traveling with a friend or relative and he or she starts to freak out, which people sometimes do on airplane flights, don't keep it to yourself; flight attendants usually have access to sedatives.

So now one mentally disturbed man is dead, his wife is widowed and two Air Marshals are going to have to live for the rest of their lives with the knowledge that they killed an unarmed man. All for want of a pill.

Airline Passenger Who Made Threat Killed - Associated Press/Breitbart.com

Evolution Or Devolution

For a generation weaned on Bill Cosby's hairy, non-consensual nipple, we certainly didn't take all of his lessons to heart. Where did we all go wrong? All we learned was how to spike drinks and eat hoagies. Man, those Cosby kids read books. They talked to their father about Charlie Mingus, and sometimes lost their homework in the freezer --- but I digress:

A federal judge in Kentucky sentenced the men yesterday to the minimum 87 months
in prison allowed under federal guidelines.
The men stole a first
edition of
Charles Darwin's classic "On the Origin of Species" and sketches
by John James
Audubon.

Hey, at least they're reading. Which is more important? The stealing part, or the part where they kne